Monday, February 16, 2009

semantics


i am a big fan of semantics, and working in a restaurant has taught me that most others are not. why do people walk up to me at work and ask me if i know where the bathroom is? of course i know where the bathroom is, i work there. anything else you wanna know, sir? oh. . .you want me to tell YOU where the bathroom is. that's not what you asked. (okay i just realized that i am going to veer off of the topic of semantics and just complain about some stuff.) another favorite: you ask me what the soup is, and i tell you that it is parsnip puree. perhaps parsnip puree sounds gross to you, so you ask me if i have any other soup. i tell you that, YES, in fact there is a SECRET SOUP for the people who are innovative enough to ask me if there is another soup. it's a soup just for you. it's called "NO THERE IS NO OTHER SOUP YOU MORON OR I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT ALREADY. DO YOU THINK I LIKE PARSNIP SOUP ANY BETTER THAN YOU DO?" and it's $3.75 for a cup. another thing i really enjoy is when i come to work at around 3pm to start my shift, and those guys who sit at the bar by themselves and drink all day (you know who they are, they are freaking everywhere) listen to the conversation that you may be having with the bartender and then decide that i would benefit from their advice. yes, thank you, guy who sits in a bar all day every day by himself, i would love to know how you think i should handle things. just because you are drunk does not mean that you are charles bukowski. it seems my filter has rotted a bit over the past 23 years, so i actually tell them this. then i get to hear that if i smiled more, i would be so much prettier. SERIOUSLY? i don't give a rat's ass if you think i am pretty or if you think i look like the witches of eastwick all rolled into one. and your breath stinks, mr. close talker. do i come to your job and tell you to smile while you are perfoming tasks? i would, but you don't have a job, do you? oh, but if you did, i would be there. drunk.

5 comments:

  1. you have found your calling, dear.

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  2. I think my job (on your blog) will be to tell you which part of the story I liked best. Could be useful feedback, could be fun, or it could annoy you to no end! Who knows!
    Favorite part: "oh, but if you did, i would be there. drunk."

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  3. so far, your comments have been pretty complimentary, so you can stay. jk. but seriously, thank you. feedback is good. i don't know what the hell i am doing, really.

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  4. I am going to start telling people there is a secret soup. Awesome
    xo

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